I’ve compiled most of the ways you can tell someone is a douche by looking at their MySpace/Facebook/Other Social network profile picture. These only apply to their main profile picture, although those who have the described qualities in their other pictures may have some level of douchbaggery looming.

Posing in Front of a Car That Isn’t Yours
I couldn’t get a bigger picture of this penis-dog because his MySpace profile was set to private, so I had to settle with this. This douche is going out with my sister but that doesn’t piss me off as much as this picture. What’s going through your mind when you clicked “Set this as my main picture”? “damn, this pics is so hotz, it rox. lemme put this shit up and maybes some chicas will think i owns it. damn, i spurted my hot load all over my keyboard, this pic is too hotz. *click*” Other than the fact it’s THE BATMOBILE, there is a fenced perimeter to deter potential douches from taking pictures of the “main profile pic” nature. This one didn’t get it, instead he decided to lean against the fence and shoot away. The Dark Defender would be balls up from this level of douchbaggery, major ass kicking balls up. My suggestion - electric fencing.

Gotti Hair
How the hell does shit like this get remotely popular? More importantly, how many eight-balls of coke have you done to think this looks “alright”. I’m all for being unique, unless you are goth unique or emo unique, screw that I am for the status quo but there is a massive following for this gel-infused death trap of a hair style. Unfortunately, these things get laid and therefore reproduce, creating more douches. This must be similar to the demonstration of masculinity certain species have like the peacocks when the male display it’s colorful tail feathers to the female, except in this case it is a frat guy with an artificial orange tan glow, wreaking of axe body spray. Douche.

Shock Sign
Doing the shocker sign when you are not in the presence of woman, who is naked, is a douche move. The more guys that do the sign in a single picture, the exponentially douchier the picture gets. But this picture doesn’t have it at its worst. The worst is when the douche proceeds to stick out his tongue in between his middle and pinky finger. Other variations include “shocking” both hands and crossing them. As well as, “shocking” one hand and using it on your frat buddy while he’s passed out…

from a date rape drug that you placed in his drink an hour earlier…

while your other frat buddies cheer you on.

It’s not rape if you use the shocker.

Every few hundred years, a person is born to be a mold: Jesus – devote believer, Einstein – genius, Hitler – evil, and then there is Ryan Seacrest. Seacrest hasn’t had any major accomplishments such as ordering the mass genocide of an entire race of people but he has hosted American Idol, which is as close to mass genocide as you can get. (without actually killing anyone that is) Ryan has nearly perfected the art of being a douchebag. No mundane detail is too insignificant for him: wearing sunglasses inside – check, hitting on someone elses girlfriend – check, pretending to be straight – check. He is willing to do whatever gets him closer to douchebag fame. He literally wants to go down in history as the best played douchebag of his time and with his devotion to the craft, he is well on his way.

Recently you may have heard that Ryan is actually dating Terry Hatcher, the Desperate House Wives star. The rumors are true, and US Weekly has the un-rehearsed super candid extremely rare photos of them at the beach. Here is the first one:

Unfortunately, in this picture some guy was doing a kart wheel in a Speedo, clearly distracting Seacrest from his rehearsed “I’m not gay kiss” with Hatcher but like any authentic douchebag, he threw a sea shell at the kart wheelers crotch, thereby hindering the kart wheelers homosexual control of Seacrest. Hatcher apparently did not notice the incident.

Here is another picture taken by US Weekly depicting Seacrest and Hatcher at the beach once again – this time not kissing in a rehearsed fashion. Seacrest is sporting a “Douche” bag. This guy has really perfected his act. Not only is he depicting his douchebagginess through his behavior but for those who are slow in perceiving, he is driving the point home, “I am Ryan Seacrest, I am a douchebag”. Terry Hatcher really has something here, this man is going to set new standards in douchebag.